Emotions…

 Emotions. They can be confusing, and really hard. Sometimes they even hurt. I honestly know them all to well.

As I am writing this I am dealing with a lot of them and to be honest, I don’t completely understand some of them. But as weird as it sounds this is an answered prayer of mine. For years I have hidden away every big, or little emotion I have ever felt and it wasn’t by accident, it became natural to me because I didn’t want to deal with it all. My emotions became to overwhelming and I didn’t like it one bit. So, I thought why not suck it up and try and forget? I won’t have to deal with them anymore right? Wrong. Doing that made it hurt so much worse, now at first, it made me feel so good, especially since I didn’t think my emotions really mattered much, all I was wanting to do was make those I love happy and feel better instead of dealing with all my hurt, pain, depression, anxiety, sadness, and everything in between.

As I got older I found some of the feelings/struggles I had once hidden away were coming back all at once. It was like every emotion I hid away piled up on each other and attacked me all at once. But when they did, I just covered it up again. You may be wondering how exactly I did that, well… I did it with distractions. Every time I would feel something I would suck it up and bury myself into my electronics, I never wanted to be left alone in my room to be aware of all my thoughts and feelings. It hurt to much.

But now, this morning January 3rd, 2022, I prayed and asked God to uncover every emotion I have ever hidden away so that I can deal with it all the RIGHT way, not hide them, not cover them up, to just really take the time to feel them all and surrender it to God. I have been praying this prayer since I had a call with one of my best friends about everything I had been dealing with. She told me that I needed to start praying God would reveal all my past hidden emotions.

Shortly after I prayed that prayer earlier, I started to feel really down. I was filled with anger, then sadness, depression, anxiety, I felt overwhelmed, and lonely, and everything else. I feel lost. The question that keeps on coming to mind is “Who am I?” It has been so hard for me to take the time to sit down and talk to God, to sit down and bury myself in Scripture. But the way I feel, I have a part of me now that is going to God, that is seeking God NO MATTER WHAT! Back then when I would feel this darkness over me, I never went to God, I was very distant from Him. But now God is with me, and I am talking to Him about it all.

All the lies that have come over me may have torn me apart a little bit earlier, but now I am stronger than ever. Tonight, I was just sitting at my desk, burying myself in my blanket crying, I didn’t want to go on, I wasn’t sure how I could. But then, after journaling for 5 hours, and talking to my best friend, I sat up, opened my bible, got a journal, and started writing out bible verses that spoke truth over the lies, that really spoke about what I was going through. Now, oh my goodness, you don’t know how hard it was for me to actually do it. I opened my bible then sat there and wanted to just bury myself in the feelings again but I got up grabbed my phone, grabbed my journal, and went to the bible app to search for bible verses. I typed in “depression” and the two verses to catch my eyes were:

Matthew 11:28

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest

Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He rescues those whose spirits are crushed”

God’s Word is so powerful, and I believe He is with me, no matter what you may be facing, whether it’s similar to what I am going through, or something much different, always, always, ALWAYS remember that the Lord is with you, and is just waiting for you to go to Him with your worries. He loves and cares so much for you. You are His child, and He would do anything for you.

I am praying you are having a wonderful day, and that you have an even better week, I am definitely getting there. Talk to you next time!

Reflections and a New Start

Happy New Year Everyone! It is so surprising to see how this year just flew by. But it has been so incredible, and I have grown so much in my relationship with God. I may have had many ups and downs throughout this year, but I am honestly so thankful for each of those seasons God allowed me to go through because I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that, and I wouldn’t know God the way I do now if I didn’t struggle.

God put so many people in my life to walk with me on my journey with God and to just help me to keep my head up, and my eyes on God. He has never left me and has a greater plan for my life than I could personally ever imagine.

I know that personally, as a new year comes, we are stepping into the unknown. I can’t help but wonder what next year has in store, what will change? Will something tragic happen? Where is God going to take me? However, God tells us not to worry about tomorrow, for today has its own struggles (Matthew 6:34)

So as we step into the new year, join me in preparing my heart for what God has in store for you and me. and take it one day at a time. One of my goals this year is to step out in faith and do new things, to really be who God made me to be. I want to grow even closer to God, and really find who He is. What is my purpose while I am on this earth? Do spread the good news. But before I can tell others about who God is to me, I have to created a personal, everlasting relationship with Him. Stay rooted in Him word, and grow in my prayer life.
God is with us every step of the way. So what are you going to start doing this new year to get rooted in His word? Or what are you going to change? It may be a habit that needs to change for you to get in the right mindset, it might even be distancing yourself from some toxic friends. Whatever it is, God has you in His arms.
Always remember though, you don’t need to get yourself together to meet God where He is, you don’t need to be perfect. No one is perfect. God wants to meet you right where you are, no matter how messy you are, He wants to help you. You just have to let Him.

This year, and even last year I went through a lot. Last year I went through the toughest friendship loss. I was so down I didn’t feel I could get back up. I ended up crying myself to sleep everynight for 3 whole months, but that is when I found my best friend was there for me, she called me every night and just talked to me. But I will get more into that story another time.
This year, I found out that I am allergic to gluten, corn, and I can’t handle a lot of dairy, it may not sound like much, but that was one of the hardest changes I have ever had to deal with. When I was 6 I was dignosed with Tourrettes, and this year I found out what caused them to be bad. It wasn’t just my emotions, or all the sugar I ate, it included the gluten, corn, and dairy I had grown up having.
Alongside changing my diet, I started to struggle A LOT with really bad anxiety, and some of depression. It got so bad that I had to go to the doctor and get a prescription for anxiety medicine. Though it eventually started helping, when I first started taking it my anxiety got so much worse! I wanted to curl up and cry in my bed alone for 2 weeks.

However, even though I struggled a lot with stuff this year. Looking back I can see how much God was there, how much He was working in my life and helping me to become stronger. Even though it didn’t feel like He was with me in the moment, He was there.

What did you face this year? Whatever it was, do you see God in those situations? Have you been praying for something this year that was answered? Or are you still waiting?
Well, God has heard your prayer, He has seen your tears, and He has bigger plans for you then you could ever possibly imagine.

-2 Kings 20:5-

“…I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears”

-Jeremiah 29:11-

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I am praying over this coming year, that you would be encouraged to chase after God every single day.
Goodbye 2021 and Welcome 2022!



Reason for the Season

 Merry Christmas everyone! I pray this holiday season has filled you and your loved ones with so much joy, love, and happiness. If you aren’t having the merriest holiday, because you lost someone you love, are in the hospital, or are feeling anxious or depressed. Do not fear, or be discouraged, Because the Lord God is watching over you, He has a plan and purpose for you in this season, and I am praying for you all.

  Today I wanted to share with you all the true meaning of Christmas, and why we celebrate. The month of December is called Advent. Advent means “Coming or Arrival” 

   Many, many years ago on this day a child was born, and His name is Jesus.

-Luke 1:26-38-

“In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was Mary. And he came to her and said,

“Greetings, O favored one,  the Lord is with you!”

But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her,

“Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His father David, and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.”

And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” and the angel answered her,

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy— the Son of God. And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing is impossible with God.” 

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Wow, I absolutely love the response Mary has. With faith she tells the angel “Let it be.” 

Gabriel the angel told Mary that she was favored by God and that she was chosen to be the mother of Jesus, the king of the world, our Savior! The one who died for us and our sins. How do you think she felt about that? Scared? Unsure of how to do it? Even if she was filled with some fear she had full faith in God. He had a plan greater than she could have ever imagined. You know what? Jesus came into the world just like you and me, human. He cried, laughed, walked on this earth. He grew up exactly as we did. There was one thing that was different though. He knew NO sin. At least not until He sacrificed Himself on the cross so we could be saved, and connected to God.

-2 Corinthians 5:21-

“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”

-Luke 2:7-

“And she gave birth to her first born son and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths and laid Him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the Inn”

Jesus was born in a barn and laid in a manger, which is a feeding trough for the animals. I bet Mary and Joseph never thought they would have their first son, Jesus, in a messy barn. I wonder what was on their mind when they realized they wouldn’t be in a warm house when it came to Jesus being born. I know I personally don’t dream of having a child in a barn, or outdoors in general. But God knew, and He provided everything for them. God is so good!

   So, what is the meaning of Christmas? Well, some think it’s the gifts we receive or the gifts we give. Others say it’s family, friends, and loved ones. The truth is it’s not about any of those things. Now don’t get me wrong, I love giving and receiving gifts on Christmas morning, and spending time with my loved ones means so much! But really, Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. I always think, what was on everyone’s mind during the time Jesus was born? I bet Mary and Joseph were so joyful to see their son Jesus, and also fearful of the world around them because there was so much danger. No matter what stood in their way, they kept their eyes on God and trusted Him with everything they had.

   Knowing what Jesus did for us those many years ago is so encouraging. Christmas always brings me so much joy, because I know that this is when Jesus saved us all from our sins, and really allowed us to live a life following God with everything we have. 

  Always remember that no matter how scary things may seem in the moment, putting your trust in God, and living for Him in the good and bad is the best thing you could ever do. I pray this Christmas Day brings you so much hope, joy, and peace as you spend time with your family, friends, loved ones, and most importantly, Jesus.

Love you all, and remember, Jesus is with you! Merry Christmas!!

Journey with God, even when its hard

The very beginning of our journey with God started when He created us in HIS image…

-Genesis 1:26-

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

-Genesis 1:27-

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

    When you begin your journey with God you find joy, love, excitement, new beginnings, a relationship that will never fail, and you will be filled with the Holy Spirit. God wants a relationship with you, no matter what stage of life you’re in, no matter what you have done, or what you are currently doing, no sin can keep God from loving you. You just have to be willing to turn to Him yourself. No one can make that decision for you, not your friends, nor your family, all they can do is lead you in the right direction. It’s YOUR choice to choose God as your Lord and Savior. When you follow God, you are following Him everywhere. Not the other way around, meaning you aren’t supposed to take the lead. Because, in all honesty, even if you tried, you can’t do life on our own, trying to make our own decisions on where to go.

-Colossians 2:5-

“For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in Spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.”

     You may not be able to see God in person (In the flesh) but that doesn’t mean He isn’t there with you. God will never leave you no matter what, He is walking with you wherever you go (in Spirit)

   So, are you following God where He is taking you? Or is God trying to keep up with you as you try and lead the way on your own?

  When you choose to follow God, you will face obstacles, and be tested by Satan. But have faith, God is always and forever with you, God allows you to be tested so you will keep on chasing Him. When you continue to have faith in the hard times you show more glory to God. In your weakness, God makes you strong. His power is made perfect in weakness. So, when you’re weak, you are strong.

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10-

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    Your journey with God isn’t going to be perfect, and it is not always going to be easy. Satan will do everything he can to break you, but don’t let him have control over your life, give the control to God. God is greater then every lie, and attack the enemy throws at you. Don’t let Satan win the fight by giving into his lies, because God is greater, and He always wins.

   When we choose God as our Lord, we become His children.

Praying over everyone reading this, and I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Seeking God when the enemy attacks

1 Peter 5:8-11

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.’

Satan will attack you wether you have done something or not. He will remind you of your past and try to get you to do what you used to do back then. He will attack you with lies, and temptation when you are feeling sad, self doubt, tried, alone, having anxiety, etc. The enemy will try everything to keep you from seeking God because he knows that God cares so dearly for you, his child. But don’t give up, stand firm in your faith and go after God. Fight the enemy’s lies with prayer, worship, and scripture.

God is greater then the devil, and as long as you keep seeking God and resisting the enemy he will flee from you

James 4:7

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.’

 Life for God, Not the World

           

  God deserves the glory, He wants you to put Him first, before the world. For this world is temporary and God is forever. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NKJV says “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

  God will do the impossible for you and all the world can give is what seems easy.

Life isn’t easy, it will have times of suffering, pain, hurt, doubs, and so much more, but with God we can have joy in our lives, as well as happiness. But we will suffer, we will go through trials, but don’t be discouraged for those trials are a test of faith. Will you choose to hold onto that faith and continue to follow God? Or will you just give up and let the enemy win, because giving into the hurt seems easy?

Life isn’t easy but choosing God is the best decision anyone could ever make. God will help you through it all! He will never leave you alone. Trusting God in those times and just believing He will get you out of that pain is true faith. Now He won’t just take it all away, but He will guide you through it. Pray, and give it all to God, He will help you overcome those trials you face. Live by faith!

  I encourage all of you reading this to take a step of faith today and do something you have been afraid to do. Trust God will get you through it and pray.