-John 15:18-21-
"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.
If you were of the world, the world would love you as it's own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know Him who sent me."

Sometimes, I find myself hiding parts of who I am, parts of my personality. Why? Because I am scared. I am scared of what others may think of that side of me. Will they still like me if I am very talkative, or that I am actually a really silly girl who can be kind of weird and random at times in a good way? 

   You know what I have learned through all this, and all these thoughts? Is that everyone I am true friends with actually loves who I am. Those fears I had aren’t true at all! God tells us 365 times in the bible not to be afraid. So don’t be! When you are your complete quirky self on the outside, your true friends will love you just the way you are, and if you come across people who can’t see you the way God does, then who cares? All you need is God, and those God puts in your life who see you for you.

  So why are you putting on a mask? Who are you hiding from? Are you afraid to show others who God intentionally designed you to be? Are you hiding yourself because you’re afraid of judgment? I know I used to hide myself because I was afraid others would judge me for being, well, me, and for having tourettes. In all honesty, I also feared what people would do if they knew I was Christian. Now that I am older though, I have learned that it doesn’t matter what others do to me, all that matters is that I am following God, and doing as He tells me to do.
  Don’t be ashamed of the Gospel, show it off to the world! Share it with everyone who will listen. Plant some seeds. If people want to persecute you for following God then who cares? They don’t know Him like you do. Are people bullying you for sharing who God is? or for even just believing with all you have that He is real, then let them, God is greater and is protecting you. You just have to let Him in on the situation, and really have faith in God’s goodness.

  
  This is a subject I know a ton about. For 8 years I hid myself away, I was this shy little girl who just hid in a corner, not talking to anyone, and barely even talking to my girlfriends. Why? Because I was scared. It’s normal to be scared of judgment, to fear what others will think, but don’t let those thoughts control you and your actions like I did back then. Last year I actually got out of it all, and it didn’t just switch off like a light switch, it took months of prayer. Remember, Prayer is a powerful thing!

  WE NEED GOD! No matter what we are facing, good or bad, we need God through it all. Go to God in prayer, tell Him your fears and really surrender it all to Him. He loves you, and is ready to help you in any situation, you just have to let Him. So what are you waiting for? 

  Praying for you all, and I hope this has really helped you. See you in the next post!

 Emotions. They can be confusing, and really hard. Sometimes they even hurt. I honestly know them all to well.

As I am writing this I am dealing with a lot of them and to be honest, I don’t completely understand some of them. But as weird as it sounds this is an answered prayer of mine. For years I have hidden away every big, or little emotion I have ever felt and it wasn’t by accident, it became natural to me because I didn’t want to deal with it all. My emotions became to overwhelming and I didn’t like it one bit. So, I thought why not suck it up and try and forget? I won’t have to deal with them anymore right? Wrong. Doing that made it hurt so much worse, now at first, it made me feel so good, especially since I didn’t think my emotions really mattered much, all I was wanting to do was make those I love happy and feel better instead of dealing with all my hurt, pain, depression, anxiety, sadness, and everything in between.

As I got older I found some of the feelings/struggles I had once hidden away were coming back all at once. It was like every emotion I hid away piled up on each other and attacked me all at once. But when they did, I just covered it up again. You may be wondering how exactly I did that, well… I did it with distractions. Every time I would feel something I would suck it up and bury myself into my electronics, I never wanted to be left alone in my room to be aware of all my thoughts and feelings. It hurt to much.

But now, this morning January 3rd, 2022, I prayed and asked God to uncover every emotion I have ever hidden away so that I can deal with it all the RIGHT way, not hide them, not cover them up, to just really take the time to feel them all and surrender it to God. I have been praying this prayer since I had a call with one of my best friends about everything I had been dealing with. She told me that I needed to start praying God would reveal all my past hidden emotions.

Shortly after I prayed that prayer earlier, I started to feel really down. I was filled with anger, then sadness, depression, anxiety, I felt overwhelmed, and lonely, and everything else. I feel lost. The question that keeps on coming to mind is “Who am I?” It has been so hard for me to take the time to sit down and talk to God, to sit down and bury myself in Scripture. But the way I feel, I have a part of me now that is going to God, that is seeking God NO MATTER WHAT! Back then when I would feel this darkness over me, I never went to God, I was very distant from Him. But now God is with me, and I am talking to Him about it all.

All the lies that have come over me may have torn me apart a little bit earlier, but now I am stronger than ever. Tonight, I was just sitting at my desk, burying myself in my blanket crying, I didn’t want to go on, I wasn’t sure how I could. But then, after journaling for 5 hours, and talking to my best friend, I sat up, opened my bible, got a journal, and started writing out bible verses that spoke truth over the lies, that really spoke about what I was going through. Now, oh my goodness, you don’t know how hard it was for me to actually do it. I opened my bible then sat there and wanted to just bury myself in the feelings again but I got up grabbed my phone, grabbed my journal, and went to the bible app to search for bible verses. I typed in “depression” and the two verses to catch my eyes were:

Matthew 11:28

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest“

Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He rescues those whose spirits are crushed”

God’s Word is so powerful, and I believe He is with me, no matter what you may be facing, whether it’s similar to what I am going through, or something much different, always, always, ALWAYS remember that the Lord is with you, and is just waiting for you to go to Him with your worries. He loves and cares so much for you. You are His child, and He would do anything for you.

I am praying you are having a wonderful day, and that you have an even better week, I am definitely getting there. Talk to you next time!

Happy New Year Everyone! It is so surprising to see how this year just flew by. But it has been so incredible, and I have grown so much in my relationship with God. I may have had many ups and downs throughout this year, but I am honestly so thankful for each of those seasons God allowed me to go through because I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that, and I wouldn’t know God the way I do now if I didn’t struggle.

God put so many people in my life to walk with me on my journey with God and to just help me to keep my head up, and my eyes on God. He has never left me and has a greater plan for my life than I could personally ever imagine.

I know that personally, as a new year comes, we are stepping into the unknown. I can’t help but wonder what next year has in store, what will change? Will something tragic happen? Where is God going to take me? However, God tells us not to worry about tomorrow, for today has its own struggles (Matthew 6:34)

So as we step into the new year, join me in preparing my heart for what God has in store for you and me. and take it one day at a time. One of my goals this year is to step out in faith and do new things, to really be who God made me to be. I want to grow even closer to God, and really find who He is. What is my purpose while I am on this earth? Do spread the good news. But before I can tell others about who God is to me, I have to created a personal, everlasting relationship with Him. Stay rooted in Him word, and grow in my prayer life.
God is with us every step of the way. So what are you going to start doing this new year to get rooted in His word? Or what are you going to change? It may be a habit that needs to change for you to get in the right mindset, it might even be distancing yourself from some toxic friends. Whatever it is, God has you in His arms.
Always remember though, you don’t need to get yourself together to meet God where He is, you don’t need to be perfect. No one is perfect. God wants to meet you right where you are, no matter how messy you are, He wants to help you. You just have to let Him.

This year, and even last year I went through a lot. Last year I went through the toughest friendship loss. I was so down I didn’t feel I could get back up. I ended up crying myself to sleep everynight for 3 whole months, but that is when I found my best friend was there for me, she called me every night and just talked to me. But I will get more into that story another time.
This year, I found out that I am allergic to gluten, corn, and I can’t handle a lot of dairy, it may not sound like much, but that was one of the hardest changes I have ever had to deal with. When I was 6 I was dignosed with Tourrettes, and this year I found out what caused them to be bad. It wasn’t just my emotions, or all the sugar I ate, it included the gluten, corn, and dairy I had grown up having.
Alongside changing my diet, I started to struggle A LOT with really bad anxiety, and some of depression. It got so bad that I had to go to the doctor and get a prescription for anxiety medicine. Though it eventually started helping, when I first started taking it my anxiety got so much worse! I wanted to curl up and cry in my bed alone for 2 weeks.

However, even though I struggled a lot with stuff this year. Looking back I can see how much God was there, how much He was working in my life and helping me to become stronger. Even though it didn’t feel like He was with me in the moment, He was there.

What did you face this year? Whatever it was, do you see God in those situations? Have you been praying for something this year that was answered? Or are you still waiting?
Well, God has heard your prayer, He has seen your tears, and He has bigger plans for you then you could ever possibly imagine.

I am praying over this coming year, that you would be encouraged to chase after God every single day.
Goodbye 2021 and Welcome 2022!